Sunday, May 09, 2010

What A Difference

What a difference a year can make.

Last year, Mother's Day was not a good time for me. I spent most of the day crying. I had experienced my third miscarriage eight months earlier, and my due date had come and gone during the week of Mother's Day.

We had been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant again ever since the miscarriage. While I've had many problems sustaining pregnancies, I'd never had a hard time getting pregnant before. Many of the previous five pregnancies had occurred on our first attempts. So eight months of trying with no baby had convinced me that we were not going to be able to have another.

By May, I had been undergoing fertility treatments for five months. At first the treatments were just to reduce the risk of miscarriage, but by May, we were also hoping to increase my chances of getting pregnant. But nothing had worked, and we were out of money to keep trying.

In April, my head of school had told me that I didn't have a job for the next year. By May, I had spent a month dragging myself to school in spite of a deep depression about being dismissed without legitimate reason. Every day was a struggle, and I could hardly wait for the end of the year. Compounding that was the knowledge that once I was no longer earning a paycheck, we would no longer be able to afford fertility treatments.

So I knew that May was my last chance to get pregnant under a doctor's care, thus reducing the risk of miscarriage, and in my mind, pretty much my "last chance" to get pregnant at all. I was staring down the barrel of unemployment and anticipated financial difficulties. I spent the day mourning the loss of the three babies I had miscarried and despairing over my inability to have another one. In spite of lots of cuddles and love from Ben and the girls, it was a very sad day for me.

A month later, in June, I got pregnant. Without any fertility treatments. And I sustained the pregnancy. And this March, my perfect little boy joined our family. God is so good!

So this Mother's Day has already been made perfect by kisses and cuddles with my little boy, and seeing how his big sisters adore him and want to be with him all the time. Our family is in a very good place. What a difference a year can make!


Carrie said...

Amy, this post makes me want to cry! So glad you have your Liam this year. Proof that God's timing is HIS own and not ours. Liam wouldn't be here unless he was created during that one and only month. You just had to wait until the timing was perfect :)

Amy said...

Wow, that IS a very similar blog! Of course, our lives are so strangely similar, too! I'm glad that Christianne joined our parallel universes so that we can compare notes over time! Happy Mother's Day today....what a difference a year does make!

Amy said...

I also had a difficult journey to meet our sweet Isaac. God had to show me that it was Him in control. Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day.