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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Are you out there?

Based on the lack of comments on my last few posts, I'm wondering how many of you are still reading. Have I lost my readership because of my utter lack of posts in the past few weeks? I mean, I did really well this week--three posts in three days! (four in four once I post this) But I know I've been largely absent for the last month. Maybe I need to get back on the NaPoBloMo "posting every day" horse. Maybe.

I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about priorities. In spite of the fact that I have mountains of grading to do, my motivation to get it done vanishes as soon as I walk through the door in the evening and see my sweet little girls. The panic reappears the next morning as a shower, when I start thinking about the coming day and realize that my workload is growing ever heavier as I neglect to do things at home at night.

But isn't spending time with my family more important? I had a meeting this morning for a volunteer ministry at church, and they kept talking about how the church can only be effective if they partner with the family. That led me to think--am I being effective with my family? And why was I sitting in this meeting when I should be home loving on my kids? Lately I feel like the kids are just getting my leftovers.... tired mommy who doesn't feel like cooking dinner (or doing anything except zoning out and cuddling in front of a Disney) movie after arriving home. I am SO grateful to have Kristin here; she has been so awesome about playing with them all day and taking them on fun outings that they don't seem to be any worse off for all the changes they've been through lately. I'm also thrilled that Ben is now home from his many business trips, so we are going to be able to start settling into a regular routine and hopefully bring a little normalcy back into our lives.

All of these thoughts are swirling around in my head right now, combined with a heavy dose of Into the Wild, "Not Waving But Drowning," "So Much Unfairness of Things," Things Fall Apart, "The Lesson," "I Stand Here Ironing," High Fidelity, and college application essays. So things are a bit convoluted. The bottom line is, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed. I feel kind of pathetic airing all of this on the blog, but I love my friends and sadly, have not seen or talked to many of you since my life became insane. If any of you are still reading, send some love and positive thoughts my way, okay?

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I still love you and very much look forward to hearing your many anecdotes. I'm not around to be really involved in your life, so I don't know what I'd do without your blogging. Sorry your life is so crazy right now. You'll figure out a balance...it will just take some time.
- Amy Frost (aka Amy #2) :)

Andrea said...

I'm still here! :) Don't worry, change is always hard. You're right in saying that family is important but you have said that you feel fulfilled from working and that is important too. Unfortunately grading at night is part of your work so the work day doesn't end when you go home. I'm sure once you get in the groove, you'll find a good balance. Hugs!!!

Jenibug7 said...

Still reading down here in Texas! Surely you can just figure out how to live on, say, 2 hours sleep a day and fit it all in! :) Keep seeking God first, and the rest will eventually fall into place.

Fox and Dawg said...

The adjustment is going to take a bit and probably some late nights grading, but once you get in a good pattern of family and school events the rest will all fall into place.
You can just be happy that your sister is there to help and your girls will enjoy every moment they spend with you.
-Gwyn

Krysten said...

I'm still reading too! I kind of wish I wasn't since that might mean I was in the hospital, but I am. I have a feeling that I will be feeling much as you feel right now when I have to return to school in November. You'll definitely be ahead of me on the learning curve by then, so I'll be relying on you to help me through! I really think that having Ben back with you and a return to a bit more "normal" life will help tremendously. Just take every day as its own and you'll make it through!

Melissa said...

you can do it!!!!!

Moonwatcher said...

What Andrea said! I love you, Amy!!

Corie said...

I am still reading, You just keep blogging;) We will miss you at MOPS. Try to come to MNO when you can!

Kathy said...

Of course I'm still here...hope things settle down soon and you can devote more quality time to the girls :)

Suellen said...

Of course, we are still reading. Try not to stress too much about the adjustment. It has taken Alicia multiple years to find a good balance and we weren't even dealing with the concept of kids when she started. Try to remember that your kids don't love you any less and although your workload is growing, it will all get done, eventually. Hang in there.

SlyGly said...

Yup, I'm still reading. Just being a lazy commenter!

AngieRenee said...

Email, Facebook, Amy's Blog.

those are my 1st and top priorities when i get on the internet. =)

love you!!!

Carrie said...

OMG... I feel the SAME way! I JUST had a conversation about this with Steve at dinner tonight. I am really trying to find my rythm right now about being a mother and working part time and keeping the house together and losing the baby weight... and... etc. I am still reading.. I've wondered the same about my blog since I haven't had many comments lately either. I'm afraid people are sick of reading about my boring life :).

Alicia said...

Of course I'm reading...except you know...I just yell across the room when I have something witty or pithy or completely inane to say.

It will get better. I promise.

Maria said...

I'm still reading! I'll try to post more and lurk less. Just hang in there - it will get easier in time. You have so many friends and family here to support you.

Love,
Maria

Anonymous said...

I just want to let you know that there is a reason Angie and I are friends...we always do the same thing. Any time I get on my computer I look at my e-mail, facebook, and your blog. I love reading and keeping up with your life. I am just real busy most of the time so I dont reply. I love you and I hope things will start to slow down for you soon :)

Mandy B!

Kathy said...

Amy! We saw you driving out of the school parking lot on Friday night :) I waved, but I'm pretty sure you couldn't see us. :)

Cathy said...

Yup, still here, still stalking.

Anonymous said...

I'm still reading too and am now facing my own 'back to school blues'! - Ashley :)

just a girl said...

omg - you are popular!

lovely talking to you for 35 seconds today! soon, soon enough! :(

Big sister said...

Hey - don't forget about me! I read too! I never know what to say in a comment, so I guess I just read and go. One of these days we'll have to figure out how to get together. I wonder if your drive home from school ever crosses my drive......and maybe a Starbucks or ice cream place.....

Jill said...

I'm still reading... just not in the mood to leave comments :-). I haven't blogged as much lately either... school really puts a hold on things. Good Luck!